Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
