woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
