I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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