They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
