I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize