Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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