Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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