First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
