So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Farmville is her only friend.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
