we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
