I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize