Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
