I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i now understand why vodka
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
