Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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