Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
