Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
