Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
