I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize