I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
