I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
