doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
