im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
