yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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