checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
