Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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