this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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