Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
