my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
ok first of all what the fuck
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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