Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
