it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
