i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
