Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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