He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
