is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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