and you said cock pushups were impossible
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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