He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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