I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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