It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
