my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
