I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
