Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
