Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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