I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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