My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
