His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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