in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
