so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
