hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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