Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
