yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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