OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
