are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
