People with herpes should wear stickers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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