I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
