areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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