Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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