Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
