I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
