Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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