he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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