apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
