Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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