did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize