....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
