when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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