Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize