whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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