I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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