1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize