He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
COCAINE IS GR8
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
