she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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