I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
