this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
