I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
