I wish i was in the wii world.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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