it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
someone get that fucking seahorse.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
