i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
