I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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