upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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