i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize