if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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