so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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