My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
