just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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