My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
