is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize