Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
