Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
