i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
