Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
