It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
