walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
