I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize