After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
