listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've blown a few things in my day
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize