it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
