I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
