remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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