Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
