Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
