apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
