Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
