When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
