just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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