Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
