there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
