I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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