i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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