I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize