This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
