You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
