Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
