I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
