you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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